I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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