I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
