I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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