This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
