I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Nobody cheats on THIS.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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