when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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