I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
