How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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