I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
how drunk are you?
Several
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
