Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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