I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
