I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
