I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
