I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
