Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
