At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
