I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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