Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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