i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
