I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
