k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I want a musical about memes.
My feet surprised me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
