he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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