ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
