Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
