we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
