i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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