I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
