i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Farmville is her only friend.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
