you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...