I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?