so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.