you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.