I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival