The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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