Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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