I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
