Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties

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  (206): put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties http://tfl.nu/njvs
  Replies (5) Good night (2069) Bad night (538)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.

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  (601): Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away. http://tfl.nu/uxou
  Replies (60) Good night (3426) Bad night (575)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.

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  (720): morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore. http://tfl.nu/srrk
  Replies (23) Good night (994) Bad night (3295)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.

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  (336): I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort. http://tfl.nu/myrl
  Replies (11) Good night (589) Bad night (2623)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.

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  (407): Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama. http://tfl.nu/o21n
  Replies (59) Good night (778) Bad night (3632)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.

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  (703): in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry. http://tfl.nu/nber
  Replies (2) Good night (4224) Bad night (668)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

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  (720): Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly. http://tfl.nu/yfkr
  Replies (7) Good night (3757) Bad night (825)
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  (516): View more from New York

  OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM

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  (516): OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM http://tfl.nu/ckuz
  Replies (34) Good night (7865) Bad night (1740)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"

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  (503): He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy" http://tfl.nu/s0u1
  Replies (14) Good night (4071) Bad night (973)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.

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  (937): so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had. http://tfl.nu/vdqf
  Replies (8) Good night (1611) Bad night (4518)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.

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  (862): Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her. http://tfl.nu/mnen
  Replies (9) Good night (2667) Bad night (1352)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.

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  (972): Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate. http://tfl.nu/fawd
  Replies (5) Good night (1545) Bad night (597)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.

  (1-515): View more from Iowa

  and you said he wasn't worth calling.

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  (515): he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer. (1-515): and you said he wasn't worth calling. http://tfl.nu/rvi9
  Replies (17) Good night (1835) Bad night (529)
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  (818): View more from California

  My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.

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  (818): My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place. http://tfl.nu/mphg
  Replies (10) Good night (1194) Bad night (348)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.

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  (812): I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle. http://tfl.nu/j0rx
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (229)

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