The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
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I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
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You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment