I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN