I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog