Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.

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  (214): I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some. http://tfl.nu/ig2r
  Replies (8) Good night (4013) Bad night (841)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.

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  (269): Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos. http://tfl.nu/5wn3
  Replies (13) Good night (6193) Bad night (648)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse

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  (407): he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse http://tfl.nu/je2y
  Replies (160) Good night (11460) Bad night (1197)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.

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  (781): I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin. http://tfl.nu/37ur
  Replies (43) Good night (1204) Bad night (8953)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  So....maintenance found the bullethole.....

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  (512): So....maintenance found the bullethole..... http://tfl.nu/54el
  Replies (22) Good night (5371) Bad night (2346)
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  (714): View more from California

  I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going

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  (714): I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going http://tfl.nu/ebwx
  Replies (6) Good night (1023) Bad night (2610)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.

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  (817): I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar. http://tfl.nu/lubl
  Replies (6) Good night (4052) Bad night (1663)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.

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  (604): He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face. http://tfl.nu/1cal
  Replies (11) Good night (2837) Bad night (1298)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty

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  (509): I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty http://tfl.nu/7xz1
  Replies (6) Good night (2194) Bad night (555)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.

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  (503): Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer. http://tfl.nu/ruer
  Replies (5) Good night (1364) Bad night (574)
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  (65): View more from

  Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.

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  (65): Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job. http://tfl.nu/eg09
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (1049)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.

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  (214): nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours. http://tfl.nu/u4n6
  Replies (4) Good night (674) Bad night (1568)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.

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  (336): Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings. http://tfl.nu/e4bs
  Replies (6) Good night (974) Bad night (685)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car

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  (203): You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car http://tfl.nu/3edo
  Replies (2) Good night (1092) Bad night (516)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge

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  (425): I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge http://tfl.nu/ss4f
  Replies (5) Good night (1160) Bad night (375)

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