Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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