He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
