with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
