Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
