Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
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Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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