Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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