He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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