im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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