Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
