i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
