turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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