I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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