Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
