white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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