You're completely useless in the revolution.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
