all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
