Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
