cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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