i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
A+ Viking dick
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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