also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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