The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
