I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
