I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
