I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
