Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
