That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Text me some of your sweat
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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