Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
