yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
