have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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