she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
