Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
