Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
