She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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