I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
