Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
