jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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